GENTLENESS (chrestotes)

CHRESTOTES, the Greek word for gentleness in Galatians 5:22, is more often translated kindness in the AV New Testament, and we will better understand this fifth aspect of love if we think of it as kindness. (Gentleness is a word best applied to aspect seven which appears as meekness.)

So it is kindness that we are going to look at now. It seems such a petty thing, doesn't it? and yet it holds equal rank with joy, peace, and all the other elements that go to make up the character of a believer. But kindness seems so low-key, so ordinary, that it hardly merits a mention. It's just, well... er... kindness, that's all. So maybe there's more to it than we think.

What do we think of as kindness? We probably think of it as an act. We may think of an act of kindness like the "cup of cold water" that should be offered to a thirsty disciple, according to Christ (Matt.10:42). It represents the least we could do for another believer. So again we notice how insignificant the act appears—merely a cup of cold water—re-confirming our notions of the smallness of kindness. Kindness seems like just the little everyday things that anyone would do for anyone. Certainly there is that form of kindness, which is a kindness forced upon us by the constraints of society. We are all generally nice to one another, because that's what's expected of us. It's a civilised way to behave. If we want to keep our friends, our jobs, our families, and keep our lives running reasonably smoothly, there is a certain acceptable level of kindness at which we must operate. When we fall below that level we are thought rude and unfriendly. We're made to feel guilty and we can get a rough ride from others.

Basically, most of us are kind because we like to be liked. We don't like to be thought of badly. That, I believe, is the motive behind most of the kindness that passes between people. It's purely a social kindness. And that's why we think of kindness as such a small thing. We equate it with everyday niceness, which we sense is more often engaged in for convenience than because people care! So, how can such an everyday ploy for getting on with people be raised to the lofty heights of being part of the fruit of the Spirit! Surely social kindness isn't part of the fruit?

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to sound cynical and dismissive about social kindness. It's really not that bad. It serves a useful purpose in the present human condition, keeping people from one another's throats. It is much to be preferred to social unkindness. Imagine that being the norm!

But it must be obvious by now that the kindness Paul mentions as part of the fruit of the Spirit has to be something different from mere social kindness. It has to be something a lot better. And, indeed, it is.

As I said, we tend to think of kindness as an act, like proffering the cup of cold water. But we have to remember that the fruit of the Spirit is essentially about being rather than doing, and the proffered cup of water (or whatever simple deed that may represent) is an act. What concerns us more is the quality of mind that would cause us to proffer the cold water in the first place—the internal quality of kindness, not the outward manifestation of it. Because it is possible to proffer the cup and yet not have the right quality of mind. The deed need not spring from kindness at all.

If we perform an act of kindness with gritted teeth because we really don't want to, or don't have enough time to, or would rather be doing something else far more interesting, then we're not engaging in an act of true kindness. We are doing what we feel we must do, because at that moment we can't get out of it. That's not at all how we'd expect the fruit of the Spirit to affect us, is it? I cannot believe that Christ will be patting anyone on the back for offering "a cup of cold water" in that spirit. Unfortunately some (maybe even a lot) of what passes for Christian kindness is of this order. A perfunctory kindness, no better than social kindness. A kindness carried out through a sense of obligation rather than as the natural product of a kind heart. Or maybe just good old social kindness, wanting to be liked. Chrestotes (mostly translated kindness), and the related word chrestos are only ever used in Scripture to describe a genuine kindness of heart, of the sort that mirrors the kindness of God Himself (Luke 6:35) and of Christ (1 Pet.2:3).

More than half of the uses of chrestotes and chrestos in the A.V. New Testament are references to the kindness of God.

The verse among these which best conveys the nature of the kindness of God is Ephesians 2:7. Here it is together with the following two verses from that chapter.

"That in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast" (Eph. 2:7-9 RAV).

God's kindness is shown here to be inextricably bound together with the "exceeding riches of his grace." His kindness is one of the ways—I would suggest the principal way—that God shows us His grace. This being the case, we're going to take a short excursion into the meaning of grace.

GRACE

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favour  generosity  allowance  mercy

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beneficence  goodwill  clemency

Grace has a number of synonyms, all of which help to define it, and all of which carry some flavour of God's kindness towards us. Of them all I must say I prefer allowance. That God makes allowance for us sums it up perfectly for me. God sees and knows exactly what we are, and knows just what we are personally and collectively capable of. He is fully aware that we are insufficient of ourselves, and that by His standards we are suited for somewhat less than immortal glory. But though He might quite justifiably extinguish us for our spiritual ineptness, He bears with us. Though He could easily remove the unthankful and the evil at a stroke, He bears with them! He is actually kind to them, said Jesus (Luke 6:35). I recall a business colleague of mine saying that if he were ever called upon to defend the human race before God, to give some good reasons why it should not be annihilated, he would have no defence to offer. We were weighed in the balances and found wanting as far as he could tell. It's not difficult to understand what he felt, and from that standpoint to marvel at the kindness and mercy of God for giving houseroom to this sin-infested little corner of His universe!

God tells us that He is "angry with the wicked every day" (Psalm 7.11). But He bears with us. He makes allowance. We are not destroyed. Neither are we looked down upon from some cloud-decked Olympian height and rebuked out of hand, or barely tolerated for our sin-prone behaviour. We are loved and we are understood. And grace contains that idea of being understood, too, doesn't it? Allowance is made for us, and we are understood. "For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust" said the Psalmist (Psalm 103:14). And that doesn't mean God bears with us only because He knows our bodies are rather feeble dust-machines in comparison with His. The word the Psalmist used for frame is actually a Hebrew word that means imagination or thought. It's so easy to miss the point of this verse, which is that God is telling us He knows the way we think—He understands us—and therefore He makes allowance for us. He knows the way we frame our thoughts.

Jesus is shown to be the same in this respect. We are told that Jesus "needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man." (John 2:25). There are many references to his knowing the precise thoughts of the people around him. That was while he was on earth, but the same is true, and more so, of Christ now he is in heaven in the role of High Priest. As High Priest he is someone who is touched "with the feeling of our infirmities", we are told (Heb.4:15). We have a High Priest through whom we can approach God in prayer with confidence. That fourth chapter of Hebrews concludes: "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." There can be few more encouraging words in the whole English language! How approachable God is shown to be here. Going before the throne of a great king would normally be done to the accompaniment of knocking knees and much hand wringing, especially if we're seeking a pardon for some wrong committed against the One who sits on that high and powerful seat of authority. But that simple, elegant phrase, the throne of grace, changes the whole picture, and takes away all the worry. We go boldly!

The Spirit encourages us to go boldly before the throne of grace in the sure knowledge that we will not be dealt with unsympathetically, but mercifully and with great sympathy. Grace will be expressed in His kindness toward us. Allowance will be made for us.

Manifold grace

God shows His grace in so many different ways. In fact, Peter made mention in his first letter of "the manifold grace of God" (1 Pet. 4:10). Manifold means numerous and various, of diverse kinds. Those of you who are inclined to look under motor car bonnets will know that an important part of the engine is called the manifold. This little device delivers a mixture of petrol and air to the cylinders. It sends out the mixture in various directions to however many cylinders the engine has.

God's grace toward us is expressed in many ways. It is varied because we believers vary in our need for His grace. Helpfully, Peter uses that word manifold twice in his first letter, and each use explains the other. On the first occasion he refers to his readers as being "in heaviness through manifold temptations" because they were going through a particular time of trial (1 Pet.1:6). The trials to their faith were many and various—manifold. The second time Peter uses the word is to talk of "the manifold grace of God". Do you see how the two references complement one another? The manifold temptations are met by a manifold grace. We all face varying problems of varying intensity in our probationary walk, but the manifold grace of God is there to meet them all. That's what Peter is saying. God understands us each in our differing needs, and His judgement of us takes everything into account, especially our weaknesses. He knows "our frame", remember.

I found over thirty aspects of the grace of God mentioned in the New Testament, of which the following is a selection:

> Kindness Eph 2:7

> Power Acts 4:33

> Justification Rom.3:24

> Election Rom.11:5

> Knowledge 1 Cor.1:4,5

> Revelation Eph.3:2,3

> Edification Eph.4:29

> Speaking kindly Col.4:6

> Consolation 2 Thess.2:16

> Good hope 2 Thess.2:16

> Help Heb.4:16

His grace is truly numerous and various, as is the kindness through which He expresses it. And surely that particular expression of His grace "in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus" is the one that stands out above all the rest. The allowance God makes for us because of Jesus is the greatest kindness anyone will ever do us. And that kindness is a part of the agape of God. The same kindness is to be found in all true believers as part of the fruit of the Spirit. It may not be fully formed as yet, but it will be slowly and surely developing in their hearts as they delight and meditate in the Word of the Spirit. I seriously doubt whether any of the aspects of the fruit can be fully developed by anyone before Christ comes. Perfection is not for the likes of you and me right now. But it is within our capabilities to be always advancing, however slowly, towards perfection; learning the lessons that life hands us (or, rather that God hands us), so that even apparent setbacks are transformed into moves forward. Christ will then be happy to give us the perfection we long for. Our present state will always be one of hungering and thirsting after righteousness and never being fully satisfied. But, as Christ said in the fourth Beatitude (Matt.5:6), "Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled." It will come, if only we can keep moving, however painfully slowly, towards it.

A little sympathy for the human condition

Having spent a little time considering the kindness of God, now it's time to turn the spotlight on ourselves. Having seen some of the principles at work in God's kindness, we now have an idea of what to expect from ourselves.

If our reading of the Bible is having the right effect on us—if it is developing the fruit of the Spirit—we should be developing a greater sympathy for people. That is how our kindness will manifest itself. We will find ourselves making more allowance for people, understanding them more. We will direct the same grace towards others as God directs towards us. The example set by the Father and the Son shows us the way to true kindness. Reading in the Bible about the sad reality of the cursed human condition should help us to feel genuinely sympathetic to all our fellow creatures on this earth. For man, even at his very best state, "is altogether vanity," "a vapour" (RAV), says the Psalmist (Ps.39:5). He has no substance and walks the earth like a shadow. His life is emptiness and loneliness which he must by all means disguise from himself, blot out from his mind.

Shakespeare's lines from Macbeth come to mind:

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player / That struts and frets his hour upon the stage / And then is heard no more: It is a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / Signifying nothing."

We all know something of this from personal experience. No one can be wholly immune to the occasional intrusion of thoughts on the futility of life. But for believers the burden of this experience is greatly lightened by the kindness of the One who has shown us how to put substance into these lives of shadow. We can live lives of purpose and fruitfulness, and we're hugely grateful for that.

Most people are not living the truth; they are living a lie. In order to make this shadow-life more tolerable they have to convince themselves that life outside God's truth really does have purpose. They may tell themselves they are bound for eternal bliss at death, even believing that the God of the Bible promises it; though not many will check it thoroughly for themselves. Or they may believe the depressing lie that this short life is all that's on offer so they'd better make the most of it (though most of them don't seem to, I've noticed). Others believe they are in a cycle of death and rebirth. All of these deceptions are designed to create some meaning from the otherwise meaningless. Those who choose them are lost souls. The overwhelming majority of them will not be helped. Many of them will lose themselves in all manner of diversions because they so desperately need to prevent themselves from facing the reality of the nothing they possess, and which will eventually possess them.

This sad scenario should not evoke the believer's contempt (or, worse still, superiority); it should evoke his compassion. The secret of genuine kindness lies in having true sympathy for others, which can only come from knowing and appreciating what others may be going through. It can only come from knowing and appreciating the needs of other people— how they 'tick'—and from treating people in a way that shows you believe they matter. Kindness is not being patronising and condescending; it is empathising with people.

Kindness begins at home

Kindness, like charity, begins at home: meaning that it should find its fullest and best expression among fellow believers. It is inevitable and right that believers should feel more strongly towards their fellows than they do to non-believers. The explanation for it is simple. Both God and Jesus are said to be in any believer who is doing his best to be Godlike and Christlike. It follows that if a believer's greatest love of all is toward God and Jesus, that love will be significantly greater toward those people who are Godlike and Christlike, namely other believers.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbours as ourselves, it even tells us to love our enemy, but where a believer's relationship with other believers is concerned, it goes one giant step beyond both of these: "Let each esteem others better than himself" (Phil.2:3 RAV). Esteeming others to be better than ourselves really brings kindness into play. It indicates the high level of grace we should direct towards others of the faith, the high level of allowance we are to make for them, the understanding we are to have for them.

How seriously do we take this matter of esteeming others better than ourselves? Is it something we practise?—or has it fallen into disuse among us? And has kindness fallen into disuse as a consequence? Exactly how do you and I put this promotion of others into practice? (Kindness is not something you can leave in the theory stage.) The big problem I'm sure all believers encounter is that it's so easy to be partial when it comes to esteeming others. Some people make it easy for us to admire them. Their good qualities are obvious. Other people? Well... they'd be all right if only—if only they were tidier... more punctual... less talkative... more considerate... less interfering, etc. What's happening here? Why the reservations that probably most of us feel towards a good number of people—fellow believers, no less! Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you esteem all other believers above yourself? Is it something you've ever seriously practised? Or, when reading Philippians 2:3 have you always plunged into the next thought very quickly, not wanting to stop and dwell on the implications? Somehow verses 4, 5, and 6 seemed to be pressing for attention!

And incidentally, let's not get this totally wrong. I'm sure there are some who turn the idea completely on its head and make the verse say what it doesn't. There are some who read it not as "let each esteem others better than himself," but rather, "let each esteem himself [or herself] worse than others." It is not reversible in this unhealthy fashion. We cannot use the verse to put the Divine seal of approval on our own inferiority feelings. That's not what it's telling us to do. There is a world of difference between seeing others as better than yourself and seeing yourself as worse than others. Seeing others better than yourself, you delight in their good qualities, but seeing yourself worse than others, you simply despair at the bad qualities of yourself. The spirit of the verse is that we exalt others, not depress ourselves. Exalting others actually works in a positive way upon yourself. We actually feel better about ourselves when we see the good in others. It has the effect of making others feel and act better towards us, which in turn makes us feel better. We get into an upward positive spiral rather than a downward negative one. As always, the Spirit knows best. Trust it.

So, to get back to it, how do we show kindness to our fellow believers? The answer is what I've been saying all along. By passing on the grace of God. By making allowance for others, treating them with sympathy and understanding. Whenever we don't esteem another as highly as we could, it's because we have failed to make allowance for them. We've done the very opposite, and homed in on the very things about that person that we should be making allowance for. We have failed to understand what makes them that way—what makes them 'tick'. We lack sympathy towards them and finish up being unkind. As a general rule our lack of kindness will make itself known in the way we talk to them, and about them. It's no accident that one of the key passages in which chrestos appears concerns what we say.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers... Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind [chrestos] to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Eph.4:29,31,32).

Being kind to one another is shown as the result of putting away all the bad uses of the tongue. Our mutual kindness, or lack of it, has a lot to do with what we say to and about one another. If you think about it, most of our dealings with one another are through language: most of what passes between us is verbal. So it is in this area that we can do the most good, or the most harm, to one another. And it's a first-class indicator of what's going on inside us, "for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." (Matt.12:34). The kindness within us, or lack of it, will be known by what we project to others. Paul says that we should use our mouths to edify one another, that we "may minister grace unto the hearers." That's a lovely phrase, isn't it?—'ministering grace' by what we say to one another: making allowance for the other person when we speak. Not bulldozing our way through the conversation, shovelling aside anything they might feel or want to express. Not really listening when they talk, only waiting to get back in with our 'better-reasoned and far more interesting point of view'—which also happens to be the only right way of looking at it!

The old saying is a good one, that we were given two ears and one mouth and should use them in that ratio! The man or woman whose opinions override all others cannot be esteeming others better than themselves. They believe they are usually right and others usually wrong when they differ. (Of course, I'm not talking about first principles of Scripture here. We all have a right to argue the correctness of Scripture, without giving ground. But we do need to be sure that what we argue is a first principle, and we're not elevating something peripheral to a first principle in order to get our way!) When we esteem others highly we take notice of what they say. It must also be said that we don't abuse the fact that they in their turn should esteem us highly—which will most likely have the reverse effect! When you truly esteem others highly, you can't do other than speak kindly to and about them. Nobody said it was going to be easy.

Kindness can be very expensive!

There is a saying that goes Kindness costs nothing. But I'd argue strongly with that. I believe kindness can be very expensive. The saying is usually trotted out when someone has failed to be kind in some way, and the gossips are a-huffing and a-puffing and saying indignantly, "Well it wouldn't have hurt him to [do whatever it was]. Kindness costs nothing." Evidently the subject of this juicy piece of gossip felt that it would have cost him something or he'd have done it. Kindness does have a cost. Which is probably why we don't see too much of the genuine article. It can cost us our time. It can cost our energy. Our money. Our pride. Our safety. Our convenience.

But one of the many good things about all the elements of the fruit of the Spirit is that when we have them we are not overconcerned about the cost. As the spirit of kindness develops, it gets easier to apply it. All the parts of the fruit are like this. If we considered them long and hard before we started producing them, we might decide they were beyond reach. From the outside looking in, they can appear too difficult to produce. But in fact, they're very like the cold swimming pool, which takes some effort to get into, but the water's lovely once you're in. We don't count the cost of kindness once it has become an everyday part of our Christian character. Walking the extra mile, giving more than someone asks or expects, becomes second nature. And we're like that towards believers, neighbours, and enemies alike when kindness is part of our love.

What frightens some people about kindness, though, is that it can make them feel vulnerable. That's why I listed 'our safety' when I mentioned some of the things kindness can cost us. There is the worry that 'If I'm too kind, too giving, too helpful, too friendly, then people will take advantage of me.' Do you ever have that thought, and so you hold back?

I quoted from Shakespeare's Macbeth earlier, on the futility of life, but there's a line from that same play, about being overkind. In the play Lady Macbeth voices her opinion that her husband is "too full o' the milk of human kindness." She felt he had too much kindness for his own good. People would take advantage of him. If he lent someone something, he might not get it back. If he helped someone, they may not appreciate it; or worse still, they might lean too heavily upon his help and become too demanding. If you're too kind you can easily be fooled, because you're reckoned to be a 'soft touch.' "Don't worry, Muggins will do it," they may say behind your back. The answer, though, to any such misgivings is quite simple. All we need to do is leave it in God's hands. He leads us down this path of kindness. It is His will that we take this direction, so He won't abandon us along it to the whims of others. Once again we return to the theme of that most vital of requirements for a believer—trust in God. All the parts of the fruit of the Spirit demand our trust to some degree or other. Where kindness is concerned we may have to suffer ourselves to be defrauded (1 Cor.6:7) because of our generous nature. We may find that we're 'put upon' rather too much, but when what we have is the genuine fruit we are not greatly troubled. When such problems come we remember it's only God trying to strengthen our kindness-muscle by giving it a work-out. Like all muscles, it can be toned up with a little exercise. Never allow the milk of human kindness to go sour for you. It stays fresh if you keep drinking it and don't let it stand around unused!

Regarding that famous phrase from Shakespeare, I strongly suspect that the bard was making an oblique reference to Scripture. There's a passage of Peter's from his first letter from which I think Shakespeare took his idea of the milk of human kindness:

"As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby. If so be that ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious [chrestos—kind]" (1 Pet.2:2,3).

In this verse the kindness of Jesus is said to be experienced by tasting the sincere milk of the Word. So it was Peter who first brought the ideas of milk and kindness together, not Shakespeare. Out of curiosity, I checked back to see whether the Bibles of Shakespeare's day (pre-1611 AV) actually translated chrestos as kind in 1

 

Peter 2:3, thus leading Shakespeare directly to his famous phrase. But the Geneva Bible (1599) gave 'bountiful' and the Tyndale (1536) gave 'pleasant'. It makes one wonder if Shakespeare's grasp of New Testament Greek was a match for Tyndale's!

Mind reading

Kindness will be almost second nature to us if we read the Word constantly with delight and meditation. We will taste the sincere milk of the Word, and know the kindness of Jesus. When we are fully citizens of the Kingdom of God, kindness will be manifest perfectly in us. We will be able to empathise fully with others, even as the Father and Son do now. They are able to read and know every thought and feeling. I believe that will be the case for all the immortals in the Kingdom. The barriers will be down. I shall "know even as also I am known." (1 Cor.13:12). And it won't be an intrusion to have our minds open to our brothers and sisters, and theirs to us; it will be the end of what philosophers have called existential loneliness—the loneliness of existence. We all suffer from it, because no matter how many friends we may have, how close we may get to them, in the last analysis we are each alone with ourselves, our own thoughts, inside our own head. Everyone else is out there, and we are alone.

One of the things I look forward to in the Kingdom of God is the end of existential loneliness. I look forward to having an open mind in this other sense. This is one of the things that has always interested me about the concept of a 'multitudinous Christ' at the time of the end—the unity of mind and purpose of Christ and the saints, which will continue throughout the Millennium. At the end of that thousand years the indications are that yet another and even more awesome barrier will come down: the barrier between the mind of man and the mind of God. It's already down, of course, from God's direction. Our minds are fully exposed to Him. But we are told that at the close of the Millennium God will "be all and in all". That cryptic phrase I take to mean that in some sense, at some level, there ceases to be a difference between us and God. It is toward that staggering finale that the development now of the fruit of the Spirit (the full agape of God) is leading us. It's a journey that makes everything else in this world seem rather bland by comparison. There is no comparison!